The Bangover Diaries: The Money Shot

Alfredo is always referring to the money shot, and over the years I’ve had a few memorable ones of my own, but let’s pause for a moment to explain: In common parlance, the money shot is the scene in a porn movie where the man can be seen marking his territory by ejaculating, whether on a woman’s face (aka the PSE, or Porn Star Experience), tongue, or anywhere else the load can be deposited, generally somewhere on the woman’s body, and always in view.

With this definition in mind, I’ve probably performed the money shot a few hundred times, the first time being for a young lass named Darla, who indicated a taste for semen after I warned her that she was about to make me come as she mouth-messaged Mr. Bobo; I’ll never forget how she came up for air and looked toward me with an enthusiastic smile, cock in hand, and said cheerily, “No Problem!”

Not many women are skilled enough to make me come in their mouth with tongue and lips alone, and so when presently I laid her down to the face-fucking position and took matters into my own hand, (which she assisted with a tongue lashing worthy of any porn movie blow-job scene), our combined efforts soon bringing forth a spectacular volley, with the first money shot across her cheek. She quickly took the rest of the load in her mouth, swallowing every drop and thanking me afterward, whilst snacking on the cheek-shot sample. I was a young man then, and the sample was large; fortunately she was up to the task.

She was indeed a sport, and this scene was repeated on at least one other occasion when next we met a month or so later, and ever sense I’ve been a keen observer of the money shot in all it’s forms, most satisfyingly, of course, when I’m the marksman.

A word about cameras

Ladies, take note: Once an internet porn star, always an internet porn star, and as Paris Hilton learned the hard way (no pun intended) boyfriends old and new can be quite unscrupulous in sharing their (and your) adventures with the world, especially fond memories of the money shot. For this reason, I recommend dark sunglasses whenever there is a camera present, if for no other reason than as a precaution against a mis-aimed money shot, but of course, they’re quite useful to protect one’s identity as well.

Money-shot etiquette

It’s simply good manners to warn a woman before you come in her mouth; especially if you’re not sure she’s expecting it (unless of course she makes her tastes known beforehand, as Darla did.) Even so, a man can be forgiven for pulling out and spraying the seed splotch elsewhere when in doubt, but when the money shot is imminent, one should always avoid the eyes, nose and mouth, and aim instead at the cheeks, neck or even her tits, an especially tempting target for yours truly. I mention this because nothing can spoil the mood like a cum shot in her eye, or up her nose, or all over her mouth when she’s not expecting it; I must confess that I’ve experienced all of these, with varying degrees of hostility afterward.

On the other hand, a man has to aim somewhere; because when you gotta come, you gotta come.

Prime Targets

Of course, the most popular way to mark your territory is on a woman’s face; there’s just something primal about it, and the lass who takes the facial shot head-on (no pun intended) with gritted teeth and a switching mouth is a keeper; give extra points for one who spreads her legs to the utmost in anticipation of the load, for she’s enjoying it almost as much as you. And often, she’ll thank you afterward, as my Darla did……A keeper indeed.

But perhaps my most memorable money shot was with a tall, leggy brunette named Vicki, who not only took the load with gritted teeth and a smile, But when she went up to the vanity to wash the sample off, she took a few moments beforehand to admire my handiwork in the mirror (no pun intended). I was a proud artist, indeed.

And remember this, the lass who sticks her tongue out for it, deserves to be accommodated, even when it means taking matters into your own hand. Such a woman’s first goal is to please her man; and that’s what makes her a keeper.

Belly Shots

Of course, the real money shot is the one not seen: it’s the one that will cost you 18 years of child support checks, or a shot-gun marriage, and so, pulling out on time for a belly shot is a far preferable course of action.

A man must always keep his wits about him when it’s time for the belly shot, and one certainly can’t depend on the woman to remind you; she might even have other things in mind.

I recall a bare-back ride with a young lady named Shanna. She was a petite blond with a trim little hard body and a fondness for swallowing the sample damn near every opportunity she had, which certainly made her an “A” lister in my book.

After I’d been seeing her casually for a year or so, she’d been dropping hints about she’d like a more serious arrangement with me than an occasional rattle, and during the course of a gallop one evening, at the moment of truth, she blurted out “I want you to come in my pussy, baby”…..Needless to say, my first inclination was to comply; but in mid-stream (no pun intended) I realized the error of my ways, and managed to deposit most of the sample out, rather than in.

Immediately I sensed that insemination had been her goal from the start, and things got complicated in a hurry with recriminations, accusations and her running into the bathroom to clean up…….

After a few minutes I calmed down, and she returned to assure me that getting pregnant wasn’t her intent, and that, afterall, it wasn’t the right time of her cycle to get pregnant, anyway, so I could rest easy. (Her awareness of which, in retrospect, should have been a red-flag in and of itself)

I went into the bathroom myself presently, and remembered that she’d run into the bathroom with almost the entire sample on her inner thigh, and so imagine my horror when I saw what appeared to be a semen-soaked tampon on a stick in the trash can……whether she’d used it to remove the sample, or to deposit more, I couldn’t say, but I strongly suspected the latter, and I describe this so graphically because these are the hazards of un-safe sex.

My mum told me as a young man that some women will do anything to get their claws into a man, and unplanned pregnancies are by far the most common approach; and so, wise is the man that doesn’t let the little head do the thinking for the big head; becoming a father, as wonderful as it is, should never be the result of carelessness.

I spent the next month dreading a call from her, which fortunately never came. And, although I did see her again, you can be sure that I was on my guard. My advice, then, is to give the same retort as I gave her when next we met:

She: “I want you to cum in my pussy”. Me: I want to cum in your mouth! And, so I did…….

For the ones who look away from the money shot, my advice is to aim for her tits and spread it on her nipples. This is of course ideally accomplished from the face-fucking position; for the lass who’s not happy with a load in the mouth or on the face, a pearl necklace can be a welcome alternative. Just be sure to rub it in a little on the nipples for good measure.

Something else to aim for

I often joke that I hate tattoos on women, except for tramp stamps; they give me something to aim at, I explain further, a declaration that often gets a laugh or two, for everyone gets the meaning. A pair of beautiful ass cheeks are another prime target, and who doesn’t enjoy a good ass-pounding view of a beautiful girl on all 4’s, with her ass-cheeks in hand?

It was whilst in this position once upon a time that I got what I thought to be an uncommon request: “Pull it out and come on my ass….That’s hot!” Of course, I obliged, and it was a splendid sight…..Even more so, what happened next, after I’d emptied the load on both cheeks, and cock whipped every drop on both for good measure.

After a moment to catch my breath and to admire that splendid sight, I Iay next to her to rest a moment or two, and she whispered softly, “Would you wipe it off for me, please?”

She actually seemed to get off more from the wipe-down than the application of the load itself, bless her, and I made sure to go slowly and thoroughly. She raised up on all fours again as I went behind her for a close inspection, and she was softly moaning with her legs spread, and gently swaying her ass most responsively to my touch as I lovingly wiped my seed off of her beautiful taut ass cheeks and inner thighs, all whilst also getting an up-close look at those beautifully swollen, wet pussy lips.

It was a memorably sensuous moment after an otherwise routine ride, and therein lies a lesson or two: An unexpected bit of variety can be most memorable, especially as a finale. And, the money shot can be almost as satisfying for a woman, asit is for a man.