The Bangover Diaries: Introduction
I’m still feeling that strange mixture of sadness, exhileration and exhaustion from last week in Costa Rica. It was a great time with old friends and new, spent on vacation partying, drinking, fishing and wenching. It’s the ultimate male bonding experience, and the after effects are still lingering. It’s more of a psychological, than a physical condition; a whoring hangover, if you will. We call it a Bangover. -Daniel “Danny Boy” Beretta
These diaries are the adventures, misadventures and tall tales of a hobby (or vice, if you prefer) that every man imagines, but few experience, along with settings in exotic locations, and a few life lessons thrown in.
Bawdy tales of chasing tail, Mongering Men, and other titles were considered, but the Bangover Diaries was settled on because it captured the spirit of the times: Bangover is a term coined by an old and dear friend during a drive thru the mountains between Playa Jaco on the pacific coast, and the airport in San Jose, Costa Rica. Other terms such as whorification (an overdose of whoring) and Blueification (Too much viagra) were also discussed; As Alfredo observed, “They’re both addictive in both physical and psychological terms, and you can’t have one without the other”
It is the writer’s sincere hope that those who can avoid the addictions of mongering will get their fill of it from reading these diaries, but that those who take the plunge will do so with a better idea of what they’re getting into. And if you’re reading this as part of a never-ending quest to better understand, attract and enjoy the company of women, well, we’re on the same mission.
A Caution
Long ago I met a young man who had been raised in a strict religious household in rural West Tennessee, far from the temptations of Memphis.
The lad had obviously had his first exposure to said temptations, with his description of disgust and amazement at the sight of an apparently, shall we say, provocatively dressed lass the evening before. His delivery was like a caricature of a God-Fearing preacher, delivered with a wide eyed, open mouthed expression and a strong Southern twang……”Ah’ve never seen anything like that, she MUST’VE been a JEZABEL!”
They’ve kept this boy on the farm for far too long, thinks I…..
These diaries were written for the Jezabel-fearing men of the world, a recollection of my many memorable experiences with women, most of them professionals, but certainly not all. Of course, some men never have any trouble getting a girlfriend, and my hat’s off to them. Find a good one who treats you right, and that you’d want a daughter like. And if you’re really in it for the long haul, find one who has a fit-n-trim mum you get along with, get married and never stray, and life will be good.
And yet, love can be a tough game. A man can’t always be with a woman he loves, and, a man needs sex to feel like a man, that’s just a fact. Finally, some of us aren’t so lucky in love, or with the ladies in general, and this advice is directed to them.
Don’t let prudish impulses stop you from banging every woman you can, that’s worth banging…and that will include the Jezabels of the world, on occasion. And, above all, don’t let fear stop you from making a move. Remember, as my cousin K said, He who hesitates……. masterbates. And as you get older, you’ll hate yourself for being so naïve and missing out.
But I haven’t always been so wise.
While we’re at it, let’s dispense with the nicety of saying that people slept together, when they did nothing of the sort.
Spending the night together is what people do after they have sex, and only if they want to enjoy each other’s company afterward. What they’re really doing is also known as: boinking, Banging, drilling, fucking, jazzing, poking, porking, pumping, pounding, rattling, rocking, rogering, sexing, slamming, smashing, thrashing and others too numerous to mention.
As preliminaries, they will often warm up with what is known as foreplay, which includes oral sex, aka Face-fucking, Face-sitting, cock sucking, pussy eating, and other forms of stimulation, including tit-fucking, cock whipping, and others too numerous to mention. (More on the grand finale, aka the money shot, later)
When people are horny but alone, or as yet another approach to foreplay or the grand finale, they pleasure themselves, also known as Masterbation, or digital stimulation: Jacking or jerking off, strumming the vulva, spanking the monkey, bopping the baloney, stroking the sausage, slapping the salami, taking matters into one’s own hand, and of course, slapping it, stroking it , spanking it, wanking it, and many others too numerous to mention.
To the feint of heart who are offended by such terms, or by stories of them we will apologize in advance, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
